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drtamsdiary [userpic]
Wednesday, January 20

Got very little sleep last night, as moans, sighs and cries of "Ta ma de!" from hay stack in cargo bay were loud enough to travel down to the passenger dorm. Obviously, crew quarters must be better soundproofed - and next time, Zoe and Wash can stay there. I did not need to know about Wash's "da diao", and certainly not to that level of detail.

We all learned the dangers of putting the euphemism "A roll in the hay" into practice. Zoe, it turns out, is allergic. She spent much of breakfast glowering stonily at everyone present while scratching incessantly. Wash announced at breakfast that he had some "important pilot-y things to do" and locked himself in the bridge. Captain mumbled something about "paperwork" and fled back to his quarters. Kaylee said she had to feed the cows, Jayne rushed off to perform septic flush of ship and Book said that his orders called for him to perform a day-long meditation one day of the year and hastily retired to his cabin, thus leaving me alone with Zoe, accompanied by the sounds of cutlery on plate and fingernails on skin.

scratch scratch scratch

I looked up from my plate to see her scratching under her arm. Serenity does not need laser cannons; one look from Zoe is enough to let the atmosphere out of any ship. I looked down at my food.

scratch scratch scratch

I thought of the old story of the mouse and the lion with the thorn in its paw. There was no doubt which one I was.

scratch scratch scratch

I cleared my throat. "Zoe?"

scratch scratch scratch

"What?" she growled.

I looked up, saw where she was scratching, and looked down again, as was not worth bruising and mutilation at Zoe's hands to be caught staring at her there. In the mood she was in, she was only seeking an excuse, which was probably why Jayne found the septic tank flush preferable. "Would you like an ointment for that?"

"No, Doc. I prefer scratching my rutting..." She cut herself off at that unfortunate curse word, and I managed to refrain from laughing (self-preservation instinct apparently not entirely eradicated).

Brought Zoe to infirmary, and dispensed hydrocortisone creme. Began applying it to the rash on her neck, and could feel her beginning to relax. As I began spreading it down to her collarbone, she was almost...purring.

Oh, no.

Am obviously suffering from some twisted version of Stockholm Syndrome. Conditions leading to it, according to psychiatric encyclopedia, are:

  • Perceived threat to survival and the belief that one's captor is willing to act on that threat (am fully aware that the Captain, Zoe and Jayne, at least, would be very comfortable killing me if needed, though wo bu mi lian JAYNE. EVER. )
  • The captive's perception of small kindnesses from the captor within a context of terror (I'm not dead yet, and in fact have a job)
  • Isolation from perspectives other than those of the captor (have been largely unable to get a perspective from River)
  • Perceived inability to escape (Serenity vs. some colony world = frying pan vs. fire)
This is the obvious explanation for apparent sexual attraction to half of crew. Were it not for psychological handicap, would undoubtedly be able to perform medical duties without noticing the smell of Zoe's skin, for example.

Handed her tube of cream and suggested she ask Wash to continue with application. Wished for cold shower, but none is available on board - began testing acaptrazinophinol's effects on River, instead. She has become very quiet, but does not seem much more coherent. For two hours, she's been perched in a corner of the table in my room, staring at my new hiding place for the chocolate (how did she figure that out?), as if she is expecting it to come out so she can pounce. Fortunately, will physically block her access to candy while sleeping - although is only marginally less creepy to have her staring at me in same fashion.

Ta ma de! - fuck me blind
da diao - big dick
wo bu mi lian - will not get a crush on


Poor Zoe. Heh.

Love reading these. :-D

I'm glad you're enjoying it!


zoe and wash in a haystack!

love the technical talk :)

"sexual atraction to half the crew"

love it!

Heee! So glad you like it.

I thought of the old story of the mouse and the lion with the thorn in its paw. There was no doubt which one I was.

I cleared my throat. "Zoe?"

HEE! I just found that you were writing this and had to check it out. Love your Simon voice!

I'm glad you like it! Pimp it out, bay-bee!

This is excellent!

Vampirefan on the Browncoats/SerenityMovie board pointed me to this fabulous work. Just wanted to say Wow! Love the hilarity, and am also enjoying the moments of seriousness. Great job of "the other" point of view. Hope to read more v.v. soon!